 - Last login: 3 hours agoFindtheriver
- d'Zhuoy is a 41 year old woman from Ex-Urbs, New York, USA.
- Likes 948 pages, 44 videos, 88 photos • 122 fans • Received 32 reviews
- Member since Aug 13, 2006
"All my thoughts, they come in pairs. / I will, I won't, I doubt, I don't, / I'm not surprised but I never feel quite prepared." --Bright Eyes ...---... "When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care." --Randy Pausch, "Last Lecture"
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Well ... so I didn't write about the paranoid schizophrenic as promised on 31 March's blog. I've decided it's not as interesting as I thought it was. And some people might have taken it as poking fun at a paranoid schizophrenic, which it wasn't really. In a nutshell, there was a young woman on the unit who was by diagnosis paranoid schizophrenic ... but the interesting thing about her voices is that they spoke to her almost always at the same time various people were calling her on some annoying behavior of hers that provoked them, and also when she was passing someone in the hall. "Shut up, leave me alone, stop it!" she would say loudly, then look at the person who was speaking to her and whine, "It's my voices, they won't leave me alone. I'm sorry."
See? Not such an interesting story after all.
My mission now is to give myself structure for the day. I've been thinking of the things I have to do every day, and I'm on the verge of actually writing them down and making them into a schedule. That would include things like these:
- knitting
- blackjack (online)
- journal/blog
- correspondence
- job/career matters
- decluttering
- CBT practice
- listing items on eBay
Obviously I need to think of more ... although some will recur throughout the day (blackjack, decluttering).
Now, you may be saying to yourself, This blog is getting way too exciting for me....
Okay, here's something different. The scientific institution I worked at before going into the teaching corps has asked me to come back. I was the managing editor at their press. The press has changed quite a bit since I left, such that I would be elevated in position and salary with a huge salary increase and better benefits.
Money is all well and good, but more important by far, for me, is how a work environment interacts with my psyche. I think the teaching thing is played out. It makes constant stress (only to a small extent can I control this, unless I stop caring about my students). The people are unpleasant or outright hostile, and it's logistically difficult to interact with the few allies and boosters I do have.
At the old job, however, the scientists are able to work collaboratively, and I am surrounded by smart, funny, interesting people. I feel a greater sense of agency in my work, and the stakes are not as high -- and thus as stress-worthy -- as the lives of children.
So, today ... that's the extent of my self-examination about that aspect. The job won't be open until June ... so I give myself another week to talk to some of the scientists I'm still friends with and get their sense of whether some of those old frustrations of the job are still there. Then I can judge whether each drawback is one that I've grown to be able to handle better than I did when I was younger.
I think I'll be able to make a good decision if I deliberate. Sometimes I don't trust myself, but I'll try to muster it this time.
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