 - Last login: 3 hours agoFindtheriver
- d'Zhuoy is a 41 year old woman from Ex-Urbs, New York, USA.
- Likes 948 pages, 44 videos, 88 photos • 122 fans • Received 32 reviews
- Member since Aug 13, 2006
"All my thoughts, they come in pairs. / I will, I won't, I doubt, I don't, / I'm not surprised but I never feel quite prepared." --Bright Eyes ...---... "When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care." --Randy Pausch, "Last Lecture"
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Again with my sister today...
She: I looked out my window this morning and guess what I saw!
Me: Yeah?
She: I saw nine hens -- nine hens!
Me: Wow!
She: And I started thinking: nine hens, five eggs each.... I could give a fresh organic turkey to everyone I know!
Me: Uh huh.
She: I have got to find their eggs when they lay and steal them.... Would that be wrong? It sounds terrible, I know.
Me: No, only if you're going to make feather boas out of them and throw away the meat.
Actually, she was really helpful to me today. I've been reluctant to call the guy who's vacating "my" job. I can't quite get past the thought that I'll be incompetent no matter whether I choose to stay with teaching or to return to my former career in publishing. My sister pointed out that the evidence doesn't support this, and I know that's true -- that's one of the steps in the cognitive behavioral therapy I've been cramming for the past two weeks of PHP -- and yet I can't help but "know" that I'll never excel to the extent that I wish I could. Maybe it is the illness talking.
My sister said I have to call the guy. "Go call him. I'm going to check on you in an hour and see if you did it." Accountability, that's the key. Self-recrimination is par for the course, but disappointing my favorite sister tips nonperformance over to a bogey (or whatever the golf term is for a hole over par). I have to say, I was relieved that he didn't answer and I was able to simply leave a message. And naturally I felt nervous even while leaving a message and was somewhat halting and goofy sounding. But ... oh well. I did it. I've got questions written down so I'm not fishing for my thoughts when I do talk to him. That gives me a little more confidence.
Last night in an email to a friend I boldly laid out three goals for today: get a massage, make a vet appointment for Orbit (who has displayed an unnatural fascination with her behind which distracts her constantly from whatever she's doing), and call the guy. Again, it's about accountability (in addition to trying to include a friend in my life). But I did do all three of them.
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